my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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