how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
