is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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