ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just google imaged poop.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
