Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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