Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
