the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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