Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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