I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
