drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
