I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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