I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
