I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
