Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
