I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
