I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
