I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
