She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
