Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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