Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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