I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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