Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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