dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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