U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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