I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
