I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
