Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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