tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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