just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I believe in your delicious
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
