whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
