I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
