Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
