A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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