Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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