i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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