I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
