I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
