I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
