Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
