Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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