god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
