i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Screwed.edu
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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