Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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