You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
