jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
