After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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