just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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