I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
