ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
