Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Randomize
