When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have post one night stand depression
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