Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
